20 Factors That Contribute To The Failure of Marriages & Relationships

What is Marriage?

Marriage, simply put, can be described as a divinely blessed, lifelong covenant relationship between a man and a woman bound by unconditional and symbiotic love. Ideally, more often than not, a marriage is meant to be an institution for procreation, mutual support, companionship and of course, sexual right and satisfaction, under the umbrella of true love and affection. 

However, like any other institution, marriage or pre-marital relationships are often faced with different challenges -some dominant while others are hidden. Actually challenges are not unexpected, especially given the fact that the two persons in the relationship might be coming from different cultural, religious, educational or financial backgrounds. Nevertheless, these challenges are surmountable with unalloyed cooperation of the parties involved. The truth is, there is no perfect marriage. Relationships grow progressively with time. From my experience as a marriage counselor, there is practically no marriage that is totally free of some kinds of challenges. Things we call challenges are actually stepping stones to greater heights in the journey of marriage. I submit that every relationship grows stronger when the persons involved sincerely join hands together to solve their problems in an atmosphere of true love.

20 Factors That Contribute To The Failure Of Marriages & Relationships 

1. Lack of Communication

When people are unable to communicate their feelings or discuss issues, it can lead to misunderstanding and emotional gap. Each person in in a relationship should be free to communicate freely and air their views. It should be a symbiotic atmosphere, without fear of misinterpretation or suspicion.

2. Infidelity

Betrayal of trust through cheating can be disastrous. It creates recurrent imbalance in the relationship. The scar sustained by the "receiving end" might take time to heal. If not managed well, the situation might degenerate into constant suspicion, feeling of insecurity, among other issues.

3. Financial Issues

Arguments over debt, money, habits and choice of financial decision can lead to serious stress. It is a simple economic truth that human needs are insatiable while resources are limited; hence the need to agree on priority.

4. Lack of Intimacy

When people are physically and emotionally apart, it can weaken their bond. Two persons may be living together under the same roof and yet at an emotional distance apart.

5. Different Goals and Values

When two people in a relationship have different priorities or life goals, it can lead to conflict. While it is pertinent to be ambitious as an individual, the fact remains that no one is ready to completely relinquish their life goals for the sake of love. Although one may pretend to be satisfied initially, but the  real self will soon overshadow their pretence. It is just a matter of time.

6. Lack of Commitment 

When two people in a marital relationship are not deeply committed to each other, they may not be able to work through problems together. Frustration sets in and blame game starts.

7. Poor Conflict Resolution Skills

Resentment and animosity can persist if conflicts are not resolved in a constructive manner. It should not always be who is right or wrong but what is right or wrong. Partners should also define what their relationship really needs to succeed; they should not be sentimental but rather realistic.

8. Substance Abuse.

 Addiction can lead to trust problems and instability. It can also result in lack of coordination, health problems and destructive tendencies.

9. Domestic Violence.

Any form of abuse, be it verbal, emotional, sexual or physical, can shatter a marriage. Before one realizes, the core values begin to erode, leading to lack of self esteem and inferiority complex among other ills.

10. Incompatibility

Persistent unhappiness might result from underlying differences in personality, hobbies, or lifestyles. It could be in terms of communication: one partner may prefer direct and honest approach while the other is confrontational. It could also be in terms of their values and belief system, especially if each person is neither objective nor ready to compromise. It may as well be due to career goal or disparities in emotional needs. This incompatibility spurs agitations and uneasiness in a marriage relationship.

11. Lack of Support

Feelings of loneliness can arise when one partner seems unsupportive, particularly during trying times. "Two", the Scriptures establishes, "are better than one". There is no "supper being" or "know-it-all" when it comes to relationships. This support should be timely, symbiotic and cordial.

12. Irrational Expectations.

Imposing unreasonable standards for marriage or expecting perfection can leave one disappointed. The truth is, there is no perfect relationship anywhere. It is just a relative term; what is considered perfect in one clime might just be an average standard in another. So, true perfection in relationships, depending on your definition, is only obtainable with time. The task is not just one-sided; both partners in a relationship have to make concerted and symbiotic efforts to make it work.

13. Neglect.

A relationship breakdown may result from  failure to prioritize each other's needs. This could lead to loneliness and depression. Your availability, not just that, but being around your partner in time, especially in times of need, is key. It gives the other person a sense of security in the relationship 

14. Insecurity.

Relationships can suffer from ongoing mistrust and distrust. This results in undue insecurity and fear of the unknown.

 15. Interference from Friends or Family.

Tension and disputes can be brought on by external factors. You are your spouse's best friend, lover and confidant. This reality should be brought to bear when there are practical issues to address. Anything less than, I mean any rating of your bonds less than this opens doors to undue interference. Truth be said: although there's nothing wrong when those who have relationship experiences (and whose lifestyles testify to it) offer you reasonable advice, but you need to weigh this on the scale of the true love you share with your partner.

16. Poor Work-Life Balance. 

Neglecting the marriage might result from an overemphasis on work. 

17. Health Concerns. 

Prolonged sickness or psychological disorders may cause stress in the partnership. "A stitch in time, it is said, "saves nine". The availability of a partner can aid timely intervention that will quell the storms of health challenges.

18. Differing Parenting Styles. 

Arguments on how to raise kids can lead to serious disputes. Beware! Ideally, both partners in marriage are expected to contribute their quota in the process of raising and parenting children. The man, being the "head" of the family should set the pace while the wife should reason with her husband to determine what is right and reasonable for their family. 

19. Sexual Incompatibility

Resentment and frustration might result from mismatched sexual concerns or wants. They should understand each other's strengths and weaknesses. There may be need to practically discuss the issue of sexual satisfaction in the marriage. Yes, you heard me right. Discuss it. Be open-minded; no covering up. Do not pretend all is well even when you are burning internally. Unfortunately, those who shy away from opening up in this regard end up falling victim of their fears. Stress your weaknesses and come out with practical ways to deal with it.

20. Growing Apart

When spouses change over time, their connection may be lost as a result. Living together, facing relationship challenges together, pondering and talking together always, help the two in a relationship navigate the storms of their love triumphantly together, growing and progressing stronger in the relationship. However, when the two persons in a marriage relationship do not have constant inner touch, there is the tendency the other person dwindles in what matters to that relationship. As a result, their emotional connection is gradually eroded. For instance, partners living far apart in different countries due to business concerns or work will have to be in constant touch, to maintain a healthy relationship. Otherwise, wrong feelings occasioned by loneliness, lack of support, insecurity, emotional and sexual needs may soon set in.